[Editor: This poem by E.J. Dempsey was published in The Bulletin Reciter, 1901.]
M’Ginty’s Happy Thought.
M’Ginty the fair, and O’Ryan the wise.
They set out — so they did — for a drink ;
And they wanted to drink over head, ears and eyes,
But they ’d not the least taste of the jink —
They were sadly in want of the jink !
Said M’Ginty, “My t’roat is as dhry as a brick !”
Said O’Ryan, “Faith, moine is the same !”
Said M’Ginty, “But shure we cud alter it quick
If we took a deep dhrink at the sthrame —
Sweet bad luck to the tasthe of the sthrame !”
Said O’Ryan, “We ’re here at the back of God-speed,
And the divil a penny we own
Faith, ’t is hard wid our tongues out for whisky indeed,
To be threatened wid wather alone —
Raw wather’s the divil alone !
“And the docthors all say that ’t is full of disase,
Chock-full o’ young divils with tails !”
Says O’Ryan, “Oi ’ve dodged them the most of my days,
But at last here their father prevails —
Yis, the divil their father prevails !”
But Mac gev a bounce and he shouted “Hurroo !
Here ’s a moighty good thing I ’ve discerned —
You mismerise me an’ Oi ’ll mismerise you,
And we ’ll think that the wather has turned,
Ay, to best Oirish whisky has turned !”
In a minute ’t was done, and the mesmerised pair
At once to the river ran down ;
And ever since that hypnotising affair
They ’re the envy of all in the town :
They ’re the two drunkest men in the town !
E. J. Dempsey
A.G. Stephens (editor). The Bulletin Reciter: A Collection of Verses for Recitation from “The Bulletin” [1880-1901], The Bulletin Newspaper Company, Sydney, 1902 [first published 1901], pages 67-68